addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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