I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
