i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it was like eating out sand paper
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
