My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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