I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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