so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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