THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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