Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
