I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
