I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
