yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
