That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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