It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need water and some morals
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
