hell yes lets make some ravioli
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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