i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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