I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just found puke in my bra..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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