My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
