Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
