haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? šš
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You told him he ācould park his dick in your garageā.
Well he didnāt. It shouldnāt be this hard to get a penis.
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