If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
