dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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