if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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