I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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