On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
