Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
