hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
