meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
