She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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