so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
