K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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