Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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