You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
