do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
