Ambien. No doubt about it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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