Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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