Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
