I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
