she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
