I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
