when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
