Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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