Pants 0. Shit 1.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
