Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
