We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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