just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
