Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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