The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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