I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
