We got so high we made milksteak
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
