i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
