He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
